Break Fast @ Perling

Today is the 11th day we fast.
My mom and dad invited MIL and FIL to break fast at my aunt's place in JB.
We left home at about 4pm. We went by Tuas. To our horror, we were stuck at the highway before JB custom for three whole hours!!
So, by the time our car reach the custom, it is already time to break our fast. We make do with mineral water that we have in the car and some potato chips.

Once reach Perling, all of us made our prayers before sitting down to have dinner together..
As we were eating, we chatted.. and this topic about "she don't eat this and that started".  I hated when MIL is there and this topic comes up, because she will ALWAYS point at me and say, "She also don't eat alot of this". What irritates me is not the topic but her statement. I don't eat alot of things????
I just don't eat beef, mutton or other red meat. I eat all sorts of veggies, seafood, tofu, beans, fruits etc. Maybe a little fussy on chicken. But that is all. I eat dairy, cheese, yogurt, pizza, indian food etc..
What the *^%$ is she talking about?
She's the one who don't eat pizza, and still say in front of people, "rase sikit la, takot menantu kecik hati". So i guess all this while it seems as though i've forced her to eat??
She don't eat cheese, don't eat turkey bacon, don't drink milk, don't even eat the meet that she cooked!!!!

oh my god.

And what pisses me off is that, she say that in front of my mom. Like as though my mom don't know me. what the *$#@?!  My mom brought me up, our eating habits are the same. And she's telling my family as though, they don't know me. As though my family are strangers? oh god.

I'm just so pissed off.

On Tuesday this week, my dad dropped by our place, to give us some fruits. There were 1 watermelon, 1 jackfruit, 3 coconuts and 4 pineapples. My dad specifically told us to give some to my BIL & wife Nadine.
So when me and my husband passed the message to MIL, guess what she says,"kite ni takde kereta eh, camne nak kasi?" MY MIND FEELS LIKE EXPLODING THAT INSTANCE.
My BIL has a motorbike. She can just call him and let him know to drop by after work to pick them up.
If she can call them to bloody pin point their mistakes, why can;t she just call to ask them to come and take the fruits???

Back to today, when my mom asked MIL how was the fruits, she mentioned it was nice.
And how is Nadine's voice, has she recovered? MIL say she didn't know, "kalau telephone nanti tak boleh cakap, tak dengar suare" and when i asked, has she told them about the fruits? she replied,"ar tula telephone tapi tak angkat"
this is fasting month. and she is lying publicly, when she didn't even called them. I personally called Nadine to ask, Nadine says she and BIL DID NOT RECEIVE ANY CALL FROM HER SINCE SUNDAY.

Ya Allah, I pray to you in my prayers, I desperately need you to grant me patience and relax my mind. Cos i'm a person who can't handle stress. I breakdown easily. I can't focus. I'm not the type to say it out either. Basically i suffer within. which drives me crazy. And it affects my marriage, my relationships, my work. I have lost my good friends. Please help me.

Wish you were mine.

Sometimes I wish the girls were mine. So that i can teach with no limits. Show them the right from wrong. Address their mistakes whenever and wherever i see them. Teach them courtesy, independence and religion (from what i've learnt).

Not that i don't want to do all of the above.

In this house, MIL and FIL teach certain things to the kids that don't make sense.

They complain about the Elrina not doing her chores, not washing her school shoes, not studying, not looking afther her sister etc.

But they just don't notice her efforts when she actually do it. For instance, doing her schoolwork and looking after her sisters. 

When it comes to chores and washing her shoes, they'll go, "Die ni memang, pemalas, tak tu nak buat sendiri" but in fact, they don't even teach, show or ask her to do it. AT ALL. 

How is she gonna if she dosen't know how to, and no ones showing her, and they always say just leave it? 

For the kids in this house, they are not taught on how to ask politely. I was te one who always remind them how they should ask, when they need something. 

Usually with MIL and FIL, they'll go, "NEK!!!  Air!!!" 

And i taught them to say, "can i have some water, PLEASE" 

But what a waste of effort, when i try to teach them in front of FIL and he interrupted and say,"sini, sini!" .....#%**!!!

It is also heartbreaking when i here that MIL and FIL actually blamed me or Nadine, whenever the kids reacted rudely to their mother. #%^*!!! 

First of all, i am never vulgar in front of kids. And it has always been an issue to me if i hear any of them swears. 

HOWEVER, their mother swear to her own kids and threathened them and mentally abusing them. And to MIL and FIL, she's just stress. %^#+!!!!!!! 

Everybody has problems, be it at work or at home. But these are you own kids. And you don't even care about what kind of mother you are towards them.

You don't even care about them. You don't even bother to look after them!!!! WHAT SELFISH, HEARTLESS MOTHER ARE YOU!!!

Ya Allah.

I just hate to see kids left aside when their mother enjoy her time of life.

These kids need you. They need your love and attention. 

If you can give the love and attention to your little princess that you had with you new husband. 

These are your son, your twins, and yor girl. These are the children you gave birth to. You don't even have the slightest sympathy for them. 

I have never met such a heartless mother.

I don't have my own child now. But i really hope i don't turn out like you.

 

Erlina is an incredibly bright girl. if she has all the right support, i foresee her going bery far in life. She'll be taking her PSLE this year. All i can do is, guide her with her homework and pray. And hope she go through it smoothly. Insya'Allah.

Also, hope that her surroundings does not affect her exams. Ya Allah, please guide her. Amin.

='(

~SS~

Back from swim.

We have reached home from swimming. 

My dear sister-in-law Nadine is here with my brother-in-law and her two kids. She has brought some food from the hawker downstairs. 

Sometimes i have mixed feelings when we gather like this. I love to see her an her kids. Probably, she is the only reason i look forward to in life at the moment. i hate everything and everybody else now. However, being in the same house or place with my MIL and FIL is just weird, awkward, don't-know-how-to-react. 

Somehow, after all the things that has happened, i just don't know how to act infront of my MIL when Nadine is around.

I mean, we get along very well. I feel like she's the sister i never had. I can talk to her about anything i want, anything and everything at all. 

But being infront of my MIL, we have to somehow be this person like as though we don't know each other. Like we were strangers. We can't be our normal selves in front of her. Not that we want to hide our joyful and supportive friendship/relationship. Its just that, somehow it makes her feel as though we are a threat to her. She always think that we are always talk about her. In fact we have so much other things that we have in common to talk and think about. 

Okla, i'm have to break my fast in 5 minutes. See ya!

<3

reemaadams

Can't live life.

I'm at Clementi Swimming Complex now, watching over the girls (twins & Elfra) swim. I'm not swimming with them today, as i usually do because i'm fasting. I have to pay back the fast that i missed last year. 

Ramadan, our muslim fasting month, is coming soon. Very soon. Well actually just next week. Today will be my last day to pay back my fast, before the new fasting month begins.

Anyways, back to where i am now, im sitting here at a corner watching the girls whom have just went into the deep pool. I trust Elfra in looking after her sisters. 

As much as her mother, grandmother or grandfather thinks she is an irresponsible sister, i have spent two years living with them and she always look after them. Anywhere they go, she is always there for her sisters. The twins look up to very much too. Whenever we go somewhere without Elfra, they would want to call her to come as well. 

I hope this bonding or whatever you call it between them will always be in them till they become adults. Help each other get through their rough childhood. 

I am here for them, as i have always been the past two years. However it isn't easy to an outsider and take that role. 

Anyway, i sitting here watching others kids an adults swim, all the instructors conducting their swim lessons. 

It got me thinking about my life.

I'm living a life that other people want to see. I'm not living my life how i want it to be. People wants to see the happy me, the smiling me. But I'm not happy inside. 

I can't do things freely as how i want to do it.

I can't hit the gym or even go out running anytime i want. And by anytime meaning even at night, without getting commented behind my back.

I can't wear whatever i want to when i go out running, or go out in general. It is a MUST for me to think of what will be said if i dressed a certain way. 

I can't cook and eat anything i want. I have to be mindful of what my MIL has cooked and eat them. Otherwise, she'll be unhappy and tell all the relatives and everybody she knows about her daughter-in-law not eating her food. 

And i'm not making this up. It has happened. 

Okla.. I have to go for now.

=) 

reemaadams

They're everywhere